Tuesday 2 Feb

Tuesday 2 February
To my big surprise no one woke me up at 4.30. I was cheerful as a guinea pig, before the injectionHowever, my mail box contained of two mails of purely negative sentences . Not a single positive response. No “I miss you”. No “good effort to start with” about the blog. Instead the guinea pig had been injected with severe negativity and reacted harshly with spasms in the keyboard fingers. On my way to the university I started thinking. On the one hand, I thought about how we react when we miss someone, and on the other on how one can turn a bad day to good.
First of all, we are I guess just like children. So often when we miss someone and are afraid of losing them frustration turns to anger or attacks, instead of sincere fragility and warmth. Or we turn away and pretend that we aren’t affected at all. Silence is then what we do, when we miss someone. And sometimes, we top up our phone card, when the internet connection is broken, and call to say how much we miss each other.
So what do I miss, and I guess the question also raised an even bigger and more sensitive question. What will I miss? There is no doubt Arwen is the one I miss most, so much that she is actually present. Every step I take, as the song goes, every move I make, every thought I think. So that is really not to miss someone, it is longing for someone. The difference lies in the assurance that we will meet day after tomorrow. So to begin with, I miss intense philosophical talks, hearing people feverishly outline ideas on the phone or at a table. I miss hearing about cultural politics, staff problems and film clubs and gardening. I miss being in Lövhult. I miss volleyball. Here in Oxford they play all sorts of games but not volleyball. It simply isn’t cricket, is it. I miss all these things because they have not been reestablished yet. And I guess, Lövhult is what I will miss the most, walking the streets of Falun, it is and will always be my hometown. However, it is not my home. Because that is where my heart is, and my heart is anywhere you are, as Elvis sang.
Class was ok and I found my Wensleydale Cranberry Cheese. Delicious. Yet, I guess it wasn’t until when the day was about to end and I heard Arwen’s voice again that it turned around again. I guess we need a bit of help to make things happen. Without any positive impulses it is hard. Conclusion? We should always, me included, think twice before we let a negative phrase or response leave our mouth or keyboard: How can I turn this into a positive phrase. After all, we might turn a good day bad for someone else. I wish so, I could live up to this idea. I fall a sleep a wiser man than when I woke up.